On the Matter of Television
by The International Numbnuts
Summary: The Numbnuts want to know why the light on the T.V is red, Tomo thinks the government is controlling everything via television, and Sakaki can feel her brain melting even as they attempt to explain this theory.


Disclaimer: We do not own Azumanga Daioh.

On the Matter of Television  
By The International Numbnuts

It was another normal lunchbreak and Kagura and Osaka were sitting on the roof. Kagura was enjoying the silence, but then of course Osaka had to come up with something to break the peace and quiet.

"Kagura," Osaka piped up out of nowhere.

"Yeah," Kagura glanced over to where her friend was sitting, not liking the tone in her voice; when Osaka used that tone of voice, it usually meant an extremely random question was on the way.

"Well you know the red light that comes on when a T.V is on standby?"

Kagura blinked; that wasn't what she had been expecting at all, no matter how random Osaka's questions got at times.

"What?" she mentally groaned; this was going to take a long time…

"Well why's the red light red?" Osaka asked.

Kagura blinked, "Erm… well… it's because… I'm not sure."

"Aaw darnit," Osaka sighed. "Ah think it's coz the people inside the T.Vs are evil."

"The people inside the T.Vs?" Kagura repeated.

"Yeah, the lil people that move the pictures and stuff," Osaka nodded. "Ah wonder how they got in there in the first place?"

"No idea," Kagura rolled her eyes.

"Anyways ah was thinking that these evil lil people had to have some way of keeping the T.V running."

"And how do they do that?" Kagura raised an eyebrow.

"Well they sacrifice the useless ones; that's why shows get cancelled, ya know?"

Kagura thought about it for a second; it might actually have made some sort of sense had it not come from the words of a fellow numbnut, now she thought about it. Why were shows cancelled anyway? It was as she was attempting to figure this out that the third and final member of the 'numbnuts', one Takino Tomo, joined them.

"I, Tomo the Great, give you greetings and allow you now to bask in my greatness!" she declared as she sat down beside them.

"How about you, Tomo the Great-at-being-a-twit, shut up?" Kagura snapped.

"Right… _what did you say_?"

"Hey, Tomo, do ya know why the red light on the T.V when it's on standby is red?" Osaka interrupted whatever heinous things Tomo was about to do to Kagura.

"Huh?" Tomo blinked. "What light, Osaka, are you sure you're feeling okay?"

"Well ya know there's a light that comes on when the T.V's on standby?" Kagura said.

"I can't say I've noticed it…"

"Why is that not at all surprising."

"Shut up!"

"Ah didn't say anything…"

"Not you, her!"

"Who's her?" Kagura asked.

"Who else?" Tomo jabbed her thumb over towards Osaka, who blinked.

"Huh? What did I do?"

It was then that a grin appeared on Tomo's face, "Hey, Osaka, I know why the red light is red!"

"Why?"

"The government are watching us," she grinned.

"You mean like in that show?" Kagura asked. "Wasn't it called Big Sister or something…"

"Yeah, something like that," Tomo nodded before her mind trailed off into a new thought. "Whoa! I have an idea!"

"This can't be good…" Kagura muttered.

Tomo ignored her, "Well what if we all get onto reality TV?"

"Ah thought the government were controlling the TVs…" Osaka looked confused.

"Who cares," Tomo laughed. "I mean we could all go on live TV, reveal eachother's secrets…"

"Yomi would kill you," Kagura interrupted her, pondering if that would actually be a bad thing. "As would pretty much everyone else."

"Ah don't wanna be on TV…" Osaka whined. "Ah want my brain in mah head, not in a test tube."

"Since when have you had a brain?" Tomo asked. "Of course you're nothing compared to me, but then again I am the…"

"The biggest moron in the world? Yeah, that's about right," Kagura nodded. "How did we get onto this topic again?"

"I dunno," Tomo shrugged.

"But ah still don't know why the TV light is red…"

"Ask Chiyo, she'll know; it's too much hard work for us," Tomo yawned putting her hands behind her head. "We're knuckleheads after all, right?"

Kagura nodded reluctantly in agreement "I suppose asking Chiyo is the smartest thing you've said all day Tomo."

Tomo grinned proudly until her brain registered that sentence "Yeah I kno...HEY! ...I'll just ignore that. TO CHIYO!"

The Numbnuts Three made their way towards the genius' desk, which already had Sakaki and Yomi standing around. The latter sighed heavily on seeing them approach. She knew they'd have some insane question for poor Chiyo-chan.

"Heyah Chiyo..."

"Hi there Miss Osaka! What's up?" asked Chiyo cheerfully.

"Why's the TV light red?"

Sakaki and Yomi both winced. A sweat drop fell beside their heads. Chiyo herself face faulted, staring blankly at Osaka, but she should have expected it from her. Her large brain began formulating an answer.

"Well it's a light-emitting diode, something that gives off light." she began, but Osaka interjected.

"But what about all the lil' people living inside the TV?"

"Osaka... there are no little people inside the TV..." Yomi frowned.

"But ah'm pretty sure there are! That's why all those shows get cancelled, cause the lil' people don't sacrifice enough tah appease their gawds."

At this precise moment Sakaki's brain melted from all this random stupidity. Yomi's was close behind her.

"Yeah the corporate gods! You tell her Osaka!" cheered Kagura, seeming to agree with that odd theory.

Tomo grinned like the wildcat she was "The corporate gods who work for the government! And who make reality TV!"

"What does any of that have to do with why the light is red?" Yomi inquired in false hopes of gettinga reasonable answer from the trio.

"And speaking of reality TV," continued Tomo as if Yomi had said nothing, "What do you all say about joining the government in their evil plight and go on a show?" She smiled deviously.

Osaka looked to the space in front of her and stared for a minute before yelping. "Wha..What if we are on reality TV right now? Ain't this reality?"

The athlete stepped up next to her. "Guys, what if she's right?" The only three remotely sane teenagers stared at them, still trying to process each topic change to the next.

The Osakan went on a knowing grin on her face. "And that would make sense why the light is red! It's recording us as we watch TV!" The sounds of 'oh's and 'ah's came from the other two numbnuts.

"Yeah, the future is doomed," Yomi muttered watching the group. Sakaki was blank, her brain shut down temporarily as she simply could not keep up.


End file.
